A theory about ‘Loneliness’

Unfortunately my posts aren’t all fabulous hotels and the best foundation for a full-coverage look lately. My posts are very much what’s been going on (and what hasn’t to be more precise) in my life. So tonight I’ve decided to write about my own theory on that weird feeling, Loneliness.

At the moment I’m going through one of the most heart-ripping times of my life and every single tick of the clock reminds me how alone I am and if you want to keep on reading you’ll maybe begin to see why this feeling is one of the worst I’ve experienced.

Loneliness. What comes to mind when you see or say this word? How does this word make you feel? Have you felt it before? It’s not pleasant I’m sure you would agree and it’s even more unpleasant to feel this word in it’s full-bodied way as not only does it slowly chisel itself into your life, if you let it, it will wrap around you like a cocoon and you become the caterpillar inside complete darkness as the world continues to spin around you and you become consumed by every element of the word. Deep Huh?

To me, although the words ‘Alone’ and ‘Lonely’ look and sound as if they must mean similar things or even the same thing but we all know that they’re pretty different and it all depends on your situation. The word ‘Alone’ can be used to describe a positive feeling or being. If you’re ‘Alone’ then you may have chosen this and ‘Chose’ being the operative word here. If you’re alone by choice, a choice you’ve made for some reason which at the end of this ‘Alone-ness’ you can happily go about your life as you were and nothing is affected. I don’t blame you for having Alone-time, in fact I used to love running off upstairs for a full on pamper night (especially a Sunday!) and being all alone enjoying my own company then I’d snuggle down into fresh sheets and pop on a chilled out TV show, Y’know, the easy watching kind on a Sunday. Now, the bubble baths and pamper night’s are still an option for me to choose however, here’s where we get to that word I can’t say out loud anymore without my chest tightening up – you know the word I mean but i’ll say it again just in case – Lonely. There. I said it.

This is also where the words begin to interlink slightly because here’s where we find ‘Alone’ yet without choice hence that creepy little word then comes back into play. Think about it, if you’re lonely (which we’re beginning to establish that this is the word that describes a feeling that happens when you find yourself alone) but aren’t exactly enjoying that fact because you didn’t choose it then this is where it becomes the way i explained earlier.

Now If you’re still reading then I also believe that feeling lonely can be ok at times but when it consumes you and who you are, what you feel, what you say, how you act and your well being becomes compromised then the loneliness becomes something you need to break away from. You’ll know it’s time to break from this when your loneliness is the only thing you can feel even if you’re surrounded by your nearest and dearest. This is exactly me, every moment, every tick of that clock. I’m lucky. I have so many wonderful people who care, who want me to be ok and who have given and would give up a hundred-million hours of their time to me just to keep me above water and to close the door on the loneliness for a while. It kind of helps and the fact that I say ‘Kind of’ is because im in the cocoon of lonely right now as you’ve probably gathered and that’s scary because no matter how many people, phone calls, texts and everything in-between I’m this shell on auto-pilot nodding, talking about the same thing over and over, crying, forcing a smile then going back to talking over the same old stuff. I’m even more lucky because these wonderful people haven’t decided to give up on me yet because i’ve definitely forgotten who I am and what’s likeable about me so the people I talk of deserve a medal if they can still see some of me left.

Let’s talk about choices again. Remember I said being alone can be good if it’s a Choice? Then when it’s without choice it becomes the feeling of Loneliness? Well I’m in an Alone/Lonely ‘choice’ limbo. I chose to come away from a situation therefore making me alone however it was never in my heart or my mind that I would end up so terribly lonely. Why? because I thought my choice was a good one. The saviour of what I so badly wanted to save and now I’m alone and Lonely. Do I deserve this feeling? Is this my ‘poor-choice Karma’? or are we allowed to make mistakes, make decisions which at the time you think are going to help and then want to go back on your decision and want things to be how they were? If you were to say ‘yes’ you can make mistakes and choose to go back on your decisions because we’re human. Well, I can’t. It’s too late and my biggest struggle is my ongoing losing battle with that word.

If you have someone or some people to come home to after a day at work and have things going on to occupy your mind then you may still at times feel ‘lonely’ however you’re never really ‘alone’ and that’s something special. That may make sense to some of you but maybe not all.

Maybe one day my life will go back to how it was. Maybe it won’t but I’ll soon find out a direction and my only choice will be to go with it. If you want something, fight for it but when you’re fighting make sure you have something to win at the end or why should you come out with a story of a war but to end up with nothing?

If you’re reading this and have felt or are feeling similar to how I am right now then feel free to comment below how you closed the door on your loneliness. I’d love to hear your tips! As I miraculously get through every day I’ll keep you posted on my Instagram, Twitter and Blog. Lets try and #beatloneliness because I need to for my own self and I want to help others who feel anywhere near the same! I’ll try my best. It’s all anyone can do.

I hope this helps you know you’re not alone when you’re having your time of loneliness. I know how it feels. My best advice right now is keep letting those people in who have your best interests at heart because whatever’s making you lonely, those people will always give you a choice.

x

It may not seem it but I do and I don’t mean it.

I’m throwing myself right into this one. I know that my handle doesn’t always match my posts but you’ve gotta know that I wouldn’t even be blogging if it wasn’t for my passion for customer service and experiences.

Experiences – there’s so many things that swim around this word, ‘experiences’ what does it mean? we have good ones, bad ones, big ones, small ones, life changing ones – some which are for better and some for worse. Life is full of them but why do we have to face the ones that make us wish we could have more control of what’s thrown at us? I don’t know either but we’ve got no choice than to experience these experiences and learn from them. Things like that always seem such a cliche “life throws these things at you to make you a better person” – why? So many times in life where it leaves me asking ‘why?’ and that feels kind of silly that I have to ask such a question, surely I should know the answer ’cause these are my ‘experiences’ so why am I asking why they’re happening?

I’m a ‘people pleaser’, A few years ago I would have said that I was a ‘people person’ but that doesn’t quite fit my personality lately. Instead of connecting with people and getting on a mutual level that everyone can relate to, have fun and enjoy each other’s company I find myself wanting to ‘people please’ instead. I fight a battle with my vocabulary as I become a record on repeat asking the same questions and giving the same answers, “are you ok?”, “Sorry” , “Yeah, I’m fine” or “No, I’m not fine, but I will be” , “what do you need” , “How can I help” or “what can I do” and all those kinds of short sentences. I feel I can sense greatly when there’s a tension in a situation and I feel I’m good at knowing what the other person needs at the time yet I never ask or do what I need and I carry on saying it’s “Ok” when really I need a break. I need a moment of clear, calm and I can’t even think of another word which describes the opposite to stress.

A couple, or maybe even a few years ago now, I had a bit of a knock-back experience with a friendship group, I won’t get into now but from this experience, I can only tell you now that you’ll be surprised how much of an impact people have on your life, it can really affect you long-term depending on the kind of person you are and if you’re like me, someone who questions most things in life, then be careful who you let in and make a difference to you as a person because to this day I still question “what if I’d taken the advice I refused before?” if I had essentially ‘people pleased’, would life be better or worse? or am I once again on the road of ‘Do what you’re told, not what you believe is right’

Here’s another question, what would you answer to this? ‘If people say “only you know what’s best” – What do you do when you really haven’t got a clue?”

Again, I don’t have the answer but what I’ve been doing is plodding through it really, questioning every single thought, wanting to glue my lips together to stop me from talking because when I speak the first thing I think is ” was that the right thing to say? Did I just offend, disappoint or upset you?” It’s all really topsy turvy and a hard experience to have and I’m sure there are millions of people who can relate.

If you can, take the time you need. Yes, the show must go on but you’re the star and you must be centre stage ready! I’m still not quite there with taking that advice, life doesn’t always allow you to do what you need exactly at the time you need it but with saying that there will be people to help you along the way, people who want to be there for you and you’ll know the sincere ones, I believe I do and I know those who aren’t but who’s obliged to care? No-One so feel lucky when people do.

Hold on to the hopes and dreams you have and take those steps to get to where you want to be. I don’t know why these unavoidable experiences show themselves to each of us, choices we’ve made, choices we’re about to make and choices waiting for us to make so we can experience the next thing. The dark circles around my eyes, the constant headaches and the fear of disappointing everyone I come into contact with is something life is throwing at me now – my current life ‘experience’. I’ll let you know how it all turns out. If i figure out the answers to my ‘why’s’, I’ll be sure to share and aim to help you through any tough experiences you’re having.

Blog it. Cry it out. Scream. Laugh and do whatever the hell you need to so you can still experience a smile, even if it isn’t as often as you’d like, it’s there waiting for you through your next chapter.

Don’t forget how to love and start to learn how to forget the irrelevant stress that comes your way!

Lots of love!

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Beautiful Service

I can’t express enough how excited I am to be blogging about one of my biggest passions – beauty! (and being ‘beautified!’) The best part of the month after payday is when that appointment comes around to sort those nails, tame those brows and flare those lashes and for me all this happens at Studio 21!

For a long time now I’ve been going to Studio 21 for every single beauty need whether it’s a quick wax or a two-hour pamper session, this is where you’ll find me and here’s why…

As soon as you’re walked in you’re welcomed with a smile then you take your seat while you await your beautiful destiny! Your professional beautician will come over and show you to the station where all the stresses and annoyances in the world will slowly drift away as your much needed relaxation time begins!

The salon is white with simple yet glamourous decor, it really sets the scene as you instantly feel comfortable and inspired towards your next look.

I love to laugh and be myself! who doesn’t? When I use Studio 21 I’m always guaranteed a professional beautician, a good cuppa and a laugh! The staff really take their time to find out exactly what you need and how they can provide it for you (even if this means taking forever and a day to choose the perfect gelish colour for your mani/pedi) – They’re your best pal for the next hour or three!

Lydia, one of the beauticians and the Business Development Manager is amazing at what she does and you can tell she really takes pride in providing the best for her clients. I should know, I’m one of them! Just look at those nails in the picture below – You gelish?

Prices are affordable, service is friendly, results are gorgeous!

I would definitely recommend Studio 21 and I wouldn’t go anywhere else. You can either choose to book the same member of staff for all of your beauty needs or the salon will allocate you a beautician, I’ve done both and I’m mega happy with the service I’ve had and I’m sure you would too!  Go on – treat yourselves and click the link below 😉

P.S – they even have a real-life dentist on a Thursday who will make your smile even more flawless when you book in and splurge on that extra special teeth whitening treat!

Have a peek at some pictures two of the lovely staff took for me, Lydia & Nicole. Nails are by Lydia and lashes by Nicole. Thank you ladies & I’ll see you at my next appointment 😀

https://en-gb.facebook.com/studio21therapycentre/

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You Got This.

Usually, I begin a post with a title in mind after long thoughts of what I want to blog about and how it will best be put into words, a title usually throws itself at me. Not this time. I have no choice but to write and see what best describes my post once I’ve figured it all out. ‘Figured it all out’ – there’s a phrase. A selection of words which create a short sentence that many if not all of us can say we haven’t done. And is that wrong? Why is it portrayed to us in movies and social media that the majority have to have it all worked out and people need to be for their futures by ‘this age’? They aren’t. And that’s Okay.

I’d say I’ve done and lived a lot in my 26 years. Well, certainly from the age of around 19. The age I decided life wasn’t doing what I needed it to and applied to work as a kid’s rep abroad the joy was unreal when I found I was successful in my application. Before I knew it I was all trained up, packed and ready to jet off to sunny Zante (Greece).

A few years and 5 seasons later, I returned to the UK to settle into A life back home. It wasn’t easy. I would go into the struggles I faced but I don’t think I or the world is ready for that. My close friends, boyfriend and family saw me through my hard times of 2014 and I can say it was definitely a roller-coaster. The doubts that went through my head of being home for ‘good’ scared the life of me. It soon settled down as I adjusted to life and had my epiphany that your world is what you make it and one day I discovered the ability to once again turn negatives into positives. Had i begun to ‘figure it all out’? Nope.

Being Twenty-Something isn’t all make-up and hen parties. Being Twenty-Something is a confusing, spinning, high, low, left and right mental block. Well, to me anyway. More questions, the desire to make the ‘perfect life’ and the need to have or at least to have begun to ‘figure it all out’. Let me tell you, it doesn’t happen easily or quickly and for me, not really (just yet). Don’t take that as a negative, I spoke earlier about swinging those negatives into positives and that’s what we’re going to do!

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At Twenty-Something, I think you’ll all agree (and will find many blogs about) is the age where some puzzle pieces fit together, and some are those really awkward pieces where someone’s ripped off the bobbly bit that would’ve fit perfectly into the space! This age shows you which friends really are for life and which aren’t (or weren’t if you’ve already figured this dilemma out). This age begins to really slap you in the face with some hard reality which makes you realise not everyone will like you. Not everyone has the same intentions as you and most of all not everyone will want to see you succeed. That’s fine.

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So, as we’ve gathered. It aint’ all clear in ones mind about what life is, what it isn’t and what it should or shouldn’t  be but it’s here. Being lived and will continue to do so therefore, what’s best is not to ‘figure it out’ but to live through everything life catapults at you and throw it right back with a lesson learned, loved and ready for the next one.

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I do know that finding a way to express my experiences through my blog is one of the most wonderful decisions I’ve made. I love it. I love blogging about, well, everything. I’ve just began a ‘Skin Care and Professional Make-Up Artist Level 3’ course which is mega detailed about all things beauty (behind the scenes and in front). I’m currently learning ‘The Biology of Skin’ which is amazing and I can’t wait to start practising my new skills and knowledge on my biggest loves. My friends, family and boyfriend. (They’re clearly in for a treat) I’m doing this course as I’ve always had a love for beauty and helping others through beauty and this started at a really young age as I used to be in awe of my Auntie’s and their fabulous looks. I have a full-time job training as Nursery Manager which is awesome and when I’m not working, I turn to my hobbies which make me who I am. Beauty, Travel & Blogging.

I would love to have the answers to deliver the best way to embrace life’s challenges but I’m still finding those ways for myself and when I experience those I’ll be sure to share. In the meantime, here’s what I find works for me…

  • Coffee. Americano with a TINY DASH of milk – For daily strength
  • Poached Egg, Avocado, Chilli & Lime – For a wonderful brunch
  • Beauty Box Subscriptions – For a Monthly Treat
  • Lay-In WHENEVER YOU CAN – Cause sleep is fan-bloomin-tastic
  • Bubble Baths followed by a face-mask, scented candles and something you love on Netflix
  • Speak in a Scottish accent. Your colleagues will LOVE it (they won’t. but if you laugh at your own jokes, this one’s for you)
  • Face-Time with your bestie during pamper time
  • Book a trip away. Have a cocktail. Go shopping. Sleep and Lay-in (If you love sleep as much as me, take advantage of that late check-out!)
  • Talk about it. To yourself or whoever you feel most comfortable with
  • Remove and Remember. Remove yourself from negativity (go for a walk, take that bubble bath or sit in the back of your fave’ coffee shop) and Remember the things, people, places that make you feel calm & happy
  • Smile. A smile is something which isn’t always easy to wear. When I find mine doesn’t fit, I’ll dig out my reserve and pop it on with some help of one of the above or quite simply write to you 🙂

Do whatever it is that makes you remember you. If you forget your smile, it’s okay. If life is more stressful than you’d like, don’t worry. It won’t be tomorrow. We’re all learning more about ourselves every.single.day. Enjoy it. Live it. Change things which will make you love life that little more and keep going. You got this, even when you know you haven’t.

A blog about A Vlog

Well, this one is a bit different. Different-good however. On Sunday evening I received an e-mail which LookFantastic sent out to their customers headed ‘Are you who we’re looking for?!’ and instantly I clicked on the banner to find out more. Am I who they’re looking for? I was crazily intrigued as all weekend I had been looking into hints and tips for blogging, reading some of my fave’s and signing up to tonnes of websites hoping to find the direction I needed so when I seen this e-mail I nearly burst with “maybe I could-be’s” and “This is scary, but I’ll give it a go’s”

“Do something every day that scares you” – Eleanor Roosevelt

The above quote is definitely one of my absolute favourites and because of this quote, I was able to think, “Just go for it and enter!” – I did, just yesterday in fact.

The competition is a blogger/vlogger’s dream! Even getting as far as a finalist would be something unreal, having the privilege to go to #LF HQ and check out all of the inside news on the beauty set and then, if you’re a winner the list is endless of just a box of happiness, honestly, I can’t even put into words, you really have to check it out and do what I did, Apply!

The application is in 4 stages all done through the fine art of selfie-style videos! My goodness, I can’t even take a good selfie on snapchat with those flawless butterflies let alone take four 5-minute videos about me one of which including a make-up tutorial! I did it though, I went for it and without my passion for blogging and to really make something of my love for writing about everything and this opportunity to push myself further from LookFantastic, I would never have embraced this piece of me which I found I loved every second.

My partner is constantly telling me to start my own beauty vlog as beauty is my weakness (as well as chocolate and wine, of course!) and I can talk  – like, really talk. When I get home from work or even if i’ve had a few silent minutes anything can trigger my ‘inner-yap’ and off I go with the most random questions, jumbled sentences and “YOU’LL NEVER GUESS WHAT’S” ( I think he wants me to talk to the camera to catch a bit of a break in all honesty), so with the #LF comp, I made my first little ‘vlog’ (video interview?), something in the middle more like and I actually had so much fun! I’m not even embarrassed like I thought I would be, after all – it’s just me.

P.S – Please remember, I can not take a great selfie and these photos are however the video ended, not posed 😀 Please excuse the photo’s but they’re genuine nonetheless. lol.

What I’m hoping you’ll discover from reading this little snippet of my Monday afternoon is what I got from it – a little taste of something you deep down know you can do, something you’ve been avoiding through the millions of thoughts that make you put something off but when you do it, the sense of achievement is awesome! Don’t hold back from what you’ve been meaning to do, re-arrange that shoe-drobe, try out that dance class and start that blog! If I can, so can you & don’t forget your smile, it’s beautiful 🙂

Not forgetting to thank LookFantastic once more! #ConfidenceBoost

 

Wine Tasting for the Beginner Red Wine Lover

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We all work hard and at the end of another mega busy week (similar to the one the guy on the Berocca advert demonstrates), Friday nights are for me the main night of the weekend, the one where the plans you look forward to start to come together whether it’s chilling with a take-away and Gogglebox or jumping in the shower to start getting ready for a full on girls night out.

This Friday evening my partner and I planned from the Sunday before, nothing major but something we knew would be the perfect unwinding remedy for both of us – Wine! We knew exactly what we were going to do as soon as my shift finished at 6.30pm; get in the car, drive to Market Harborough and check out the stunning Majestic Wine Warehouse in search of the perfect bottle of Chianti, once this was done we were off to our local supermarket to get a steak, ciabatta and peppercorn sauce to take home, cook and enjoy with our bottle of red. You’re probably wondering why i’ve gone into the exacts of our plans but as you can tell it’s very food and drink orientated – honestly, the thought of our Friday treat after dieting all week and working hard kept me going strong through the salads and watching others walk through the staff room with McDonalds! You can feel my pain.

6.30pm arrived and the adventure began, we arrived at Majestic. Now we both hadn’t been to a proper wine shop before and didn’t quite know how it would be, not only the experience, but the price too! all a mystery until we got through the door. As we stepped in we were greeted by a bubbly and soon to find out, very knowledgeable lady called Sasha. She asked us if we were looking for anything in particular to which we replied ‘Chianti’ and before we knew it we were whisked to the ‘Italy’ section where she explained in more depth than you can imagine all about the different Chianti wine they have, the winemaking process for each bottle, where in Italy the wine was produced and more. She explained the prices and then what the discount is on buying 6 bottles and more. We were astonished to say the least! The lady even has an A-Level equivalent in wine! What an exciting course that would have been ay!

During our wine tour, we were told that we could try some different wine and we were led to the tasting area where we were poured several glasses as Sasha waited for our verdict, if we didn’t like something, she became intrigued and took mental notes of what each of us liked and disliked then tried to find a glass which would ‘bridge the gap’ to our individual taste. I like the fuller-bodied wine whereas my partner seems to like the dark berry flavours and as you know, we both love a Chianti!

After the tasting was over, we spoke more about the Majestic own brand of Chianti which they name ‘Definition’. It was already on the counter waiting for us. We decided on the purchase and spoke more about the wine and I asked if they do evenings for wine tasting. I’m in luck – they do! It cots £5pp and it all goes as a donation to charity! How lovely, put our names down for the next class!

The service was above and beyond. No hard sales (if you purchase a wine and don’t like it all you have to do is bring the bottle back for a full refund, even if you’ve drank the whole bottle!!) Sasha was fantastic, she showed a real interest in what we were looking for and helped us find other alternatives  if we wanted to try something other than a Chianti. When we had finished our purchase, we were then handed over our ‘taste notes’ to help us make our future choices AND she asked for my e-mail to send over offers etc which most companies do however I was definitely more interested in hearing from Majestic. Sasha mentioned that one offer may be Dartington wine glasses and before she finished her sentence she popped off to the other end of the shop and returned with a pair of said stemless, Dartington wine glasses for us to take home and enjoy our bottle in! After experiencing what I would most definitely class as excellent customer service I can’t recommend Majestic more. Thank You. (We’ll probably be returning next Friday)

Why not check out Majestic Wine Warehouse for yourself? There’s definitely something for everyone. Just click the link below.

https://www.majestic.co.uk

 

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